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Friday, February 27, 2015

January and February are the months when I become wan

January and February passed so quickly. I don't think I've ever liked these two months. They are just too mundane.
There's no spring and autumn in Seville. I enjoy living in two extremes though. The insane and unbearable heat and painful humidity penetrating into my bones is unpleasantly addictive. I think in a way I'm the same. There's no middle land, so so mood or mild peacefulness in me.

January was broke. I didn't have much money. I felt disconsolate about not waking up in London. Also I didn't particularly seeked any company. Sometimes it's just really nice to crawl in my bed, slumber in my flowery duvet and smell the mint pillow my brother got me. There are glow in the dark stars on my walls and often it's hard to fall asleep and not just stare at them wondering when will all this glow disappear.

One wants to move through life with elegance and grace, blossoming infrequently but with exquisite taste, and perfect timing, like a rare bloom, a zebra orchid... One wants... But one so seldom gets what one wants, does one?” Angels in America
I'm m sure I made myself think that I was lonely, that I craved for someone to zip me up and undo my bracelet. There was a guy who I thought I fancied and of course he had a girlfriend. But you try anyway do you? Well of course it ended up in a little mayhem and disaster ditch where only I ended up of course. The worst is when you think you can win people over just because 'you can' in theory. I'm honestly and truly fed up with falling for someone. There are worse things than being alone like not having money or not watching Godard films or not reading a poetry. Just because I don't feel happy is not due a lack of someone, on contrary it is not being happy with my own company. So I decided to fuck over that desiring, needy and eternal looking for the right one ME. Fuck that boring whimpy bitch!!!! So I did and decided to foster a kitty.

Life with Tiger
I'm not scared. I've got big teeth, too. Tigers are never scared.
Tea, as we call him came as a crying, moaning, insane cuteness ball in a size of my right hand. Of course I didn't think the whole fostering over. When we got him he was only 15 days old needing to be fed every 4 hours through the syringe. The food he eats is super yucky. I mean really. The first time he got here my nose was too blocked to perceive the gross aroma of his victuals. And for you who didn't know. You actuallyy have to make a kitty pee and poo otherwise he dies. You just grab a wet tissue and rub it against his hmmmm...... First time I did it it felt like a rape. I could not possibly look. Candela and Francisco on the other hand became the cutest parents ever!:-)
Today Tiger's month old. He's a babe, an adorable whimp, drama queen and very SCANDALOSO as Spanish say. I love him more and more everyday.

At work it was an absolute shit in January because I had to write reports meaning 9 lines on every single student I have. More precisely 80 students multiply 9 lines...that is shit loads! Mario is a good student. He remembers the vocabulary pretty fast. His reading and listening are great but he needs to improve his grammar and speaking. He seems happy in the class and enjoys what we do....Try to write this in 80 different ways. I'm a fucking genius!

Carmen de Espana is gone!
Laura left and her leaving triggered my crying abilities. It came like s total unpleasant and unwelcome surprise. Laura planted a great thunder in my heart. Very energetic and lively thunder that cheered me in a deep way. She found a better job, well paid job, something she enjoys. I am happy for her but why in the whole unfortunate world does it have to be so far away from Seville? Her mommy and brother came to help her with moving out. Being with her family I could tell why is she so cool and beautiful person. Her family is so funny, loving and kind. Her mom called me Bombon and her brother is a ballet dancer. I mean how great is this? Her mom is just an embodiment of cool. She came to our patio, looked at the lemon tree full of unwanted lemons, climbed on the ladder, in one hand a cigarette, in the other a broom hitting the branches and filling up the patio with lemon beauty. What a diva!

Saturday, February 14, 2015

My new job
Well guess what, I'm working as a teacher again. Huzza huzza! At least it is well paid this time. Only four days a week. It's really funny to be in charge for a change. To do whatever I want. Some groups are great and I love them but the rest is just a disaster. Kids are running around, always wanting something and never liking anything. I keep asking myself, at least once a week why do I do this to myself? And then i ask four year old Daniel  what's his mother's name and he replies: well, MOMMY of course! So I guess there's that answer. I actually enjoy it at certain moments. There is all this magic in teaching... it can be insanely meaningful and rewarding. One of my students, Cinnamon, who I had trouble with regarding her behaviour and just generally being an obnoxious teenager drew a picture of me as a super heroin with big T written on my cool costume. I so have to post it here. I don't know it's just so cute when they ask me: Tami, but why are you so beautiful?

In November I got to work in Seville European Film Festival. It was an incredible and honourable opportunity. Unfortunately instead of looking after guests meaning directors and stars I actually ended up at the reception desk. Constantly repeating myself: Welcome to the festival. Here's your welcome pack with the map of the city, the programme of the films.....Well I should have known it by heart. One would think but of course I fucked it up each time and I somehow didn't know that the festival provided free parties and transport to all the famous clubs and concerts for free. Every night! Many guests asked me about it and I was like hmm that's weird that people keep asking me about it and eventually I mustered the courage to ask my boss. His reaction was priceless, he didn't really say anything just looked at me, rolled his eyes and exclaimed Ai Tamara!!! Poor my boss having to deal with me everyday, daydreaming, getting lost, forgetting what to do and what to say. In the end all he wanted from me was just smiling. It's hard to smile at everyone!!! And my Spanish confidence suffered a great deal too. Everytime I thought I fucking nailed my Spanish and sounded like at least a Catalan, they were like oh where about in France are you from? Or they just talked to me in French. Oh well... Also I met a man of my dreams. I'm so not kidding. He was just everything I ever wanted. Tall, dark, with crazy hair, Asian eyes, interesting, dangerous smelling like coffee and fresh laundry. Everytime I saw him passing by the reception desk I felt like flying on a hot cloud. Of course he had a girlfriend. Of course he did! Fucking puta mierda every time this happens!!!
Anyway I'm so glad I could work at the festival and meet all these beautiful and inspiring people. It was a pleasure and I felt so sad and empty when it was all gone...

On Christmas I decided to go London. I missed my friends so bad and it was also cheaper to fly to London then to Vienna or Prague. I've realised that it would be actually quite hard to move back in there. How funny! I love London so much and I think a piece of my heart will always fly there but then has too many rules. Don't smoke too close to the bus stop, you need a prescription in order to get the contact lenses. And where the fuck is the sun? I mean really....sun is too beautiful and healing to be hidden most of the time. No wonder everyone's running to chase the sun. Regardless I had a breath taking time. Of course that I didn't check how to get to Franny's flat from the airport and of course I didn't have an internet on my phone. Luckily a sweet and heart broken stranger helped me to get there. We had a nice chat walking together, avoiding the skeleton of a pigeon on the floor. He said was just about to move out from London because a certain beast broke his heart. He had a lovely soft voice and silver eyes and I think I saw a dynamite stick in his hands. You should always rely on the kindness of strangers. And I will and I will. Forever.

Franny's house wasn't as bad as she described it. Ok the toilet door didn't close and walking up the steps felt rather life threatening but she covered up all the mould with her sweet and spicy breath. And it was so warm there and Franny's bed was like heaven on an adventure. It was beyond jolly to be with her again, listening her crazy and buoyant stories. She introduced me Serial podcast and she made me wonder about all purple fire crackers travelling from one roof to another. The actual Christmas days I spent in Durham with Amelia, her mama and Portuguese grandmother. Durham was so beautiful, really small, super cold and very green. I was slightly suspicious about too many cars and no people in sight but other than that it was lovely. Four women spending Christmas together was full of food, gossip, wisdom, laugh, strong opinions, Portuguese delicious food and insanely delicious tea from Portuguese garden. The house was full of books, antiques, photographs and music....oh all that beautiful music. I couldn't ask for more. I felt like I knew Amelia so well...seeing her with her family, living in a place where she grew up. And for the first time finding out how much she's afraid of illness. Or should I say being a hypochondriac?:-)
I love my girls. We breathe the same air with completely different and absent minded lungs. We can see colours but we are inclined to be colour blind. And the amount of mint, chamomiles and coffee we inhale is sometimes unbearable.

Saturday, February 7, 2015

New adventures from Seville

Lately I've been wondering is it true when they say that if you're happy and possible future writer, that it is insanely difficult to write? The same thing has been said about the reading too. People who read are mostly bored of their own lives looking for a different experience. They want to get lost in the forest or meadow of possibilities and magic that scarcely happen in a real life. I'm not quite sure if that's true or not but I'm pretty happy right now. Ok there's still that everyday stress and panic like have save sex, don't talk to strangers when you had too many drinks, don't climb on a lemon tree with high fever and don't try the world to get rid of tinder.
Anyways my life is pretty lovely right now which is coincidentally a strange fact considering my previous unfortunate years.

Since the end of September I've been living in Seville. Last summer was a mess and I had no idea where I was going with my life. I literally couldn't make any decision and just watched Criminal Minds and ate porridge. I wasn't sure where to go, if to come back to London or move to Seville. Since London's torturingly expensive and lacking the sun, I went for Seville and its whispery promises instead.

Life under the sun is just a dream. If it is, then I don't' want to wake up. Sun is a lush, something so necessarily important in my life right now. Since the morning sex is out of option for now. So what is it so special about living in Seville? Well I guess everything apart from the unbearable summer heat and occasional cockroaches. Firstly Seville is breathtakingly beautiful. I mean insanely gorgeous. If I was to ever create a perfect magical world it would look like Seville. It's so romantic with an electric vibe. People seem to be very happy here only bothered about fresh bread, reasonable prized fruit and vegetables and the buses being on time. You should always eat fruit. Everyday. They say. I strongly agree with that although it's insanely difficult to do so. Awful as it might sound there's always more money for cigarettes than fruit.

After living in the hell, the next one comes attached to the heaven
When I moved to Seville, I didn't really know anyone here so I moved in with Elsa, an acquittance from my previous hateful job in Cadiz. Elsa is in her forties, negative and bitter with despise for fashion. We've never really got on well in Cadiz. I always thought she was too condescending, judgemental and really ....I don't want to be mean and say boring but I'm afraid I'll have too. If you only talk about job and if you work as a teacher it's so sad. So i moved in with her and got super annoyed. People who told me i tend to be negative probably never met Elsa. She's an embodiment of all negative thinkers. I am an incurable optimist compare to Elsa. She says how much she wants to fall in love and have a family and all that sugar but at the same time she does nothing to gain it. She never ever goes out and to her 'going wild' is going out to a supermarket and an olive shop on Friday mornings. I'm not saying she should get drunk and dance naked in front of 100 men but actually I think she SHOULD do it. Once in 3 months she buys some clothes and pair of shoes and that really makes her happy. When I told her to have more fun, go out and spoil herself, she looked at me thinking: what a silly young lady. Life will teach her a lesson. You know I may be younger than she is, and she may be right about certain things. I know we have our responsibilities but I also know that first i want to avoid and ignore all of them. I want to live and experience my life with my lungs, liver and vagina openly available for strangers, users and strange substances. I don't want to overthink and not to go out because it's cold and I may get ill. Obviously i couldn't live in these circumstances so I moved out. I honestly love some things about Elsa but to live with her is.....hard.

Gitanilla from Val de Penas
Another beautiful thing about Seville is Laura. I met her in my work. Lau is beautiful, she's got a killer confidence, she's carefree and enjoys life. She's got the cutest laughter ever and is insanely clumsy. My first encounter with her was when we finished at work at the same time and coincidentally found out that we live in the same barrio. Lau drove me home. She's a very good driver. She can drive while smoking, singing flamenco, eating bolita de coco. She may forget to stop on the red light from time to time though. We've clicked right from the start. Love for fashion, selfies and cigarette air. I'm pretty sure it's more the people who help you to explore the city them the sight seeing. It's their view that transmit a wave into your eyes and you have to adapt somehow and get lost in that wave without drowning. And once their view's there you aren't able to look at the same way anymore. Thanks to Laura, la gitanilla de Valdepenas I can hear flameco and peel avocados with one hand!
In the beginning of December i moved in with Laura and her lovely flatmates. I absolutely adore our flat with orange/ lemon tree in our patio and our wifi password is Audrey Hepburn. How absolutely cool is that!