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Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Rather Explicit Weekend

Friday Dance Performance Turned Into a Witty Porn

I was craving to see a dance performance. Despite not having a single rhythm bone in my body, I turned out to be the biggest fan. After a little research I found out about the venue close to my place called Mercat de les Flors aka Casa de la Dansa. For March they had prepared a series of work by a Bulgarian artist, Ivo Dimchev.
Assuming there would only be dance performances in Casa de la Dansa and too lazy to read the show's description in Catalan, I booked the tickets.
After receiving a reminder email I found out the show was actually in Hiroshima venue.
Hiroshima is a small, independent theatre dedicated to performance art. Its motto is: Hiroshima chooses you. Even though the seats are not assigned, the stage is small so you won't have difficulties to actually see the performance. My friend Leyla and I comfortably sat down in a big anticipation.
As soon as Ivo Dimchev himself asked if he could see the vagina of an actress, I've realized this might not be a dance performance after all. What followed was a witty porn full of fingers inserting into vagina (3 fingers), blow job between two men, amateur insemination in order to get pregnant with someone famous.
Yeah, there was a lot of vagina action. All accompanied with loud slurping, gasping and surprisingly lively and funny dialogues. The performance was basically about power and how I fucked my way to the top. It was narrated in rather smart and refreshing way which was nice and most of the audience kept laughing at the hidden references and genuine humour. There were moments when I was definitely blushing like crazy but apart from that my brain and mind were working 105%. Fest by Ivo Dimchev is anything but boring. It makes you react.




Where do you meet guys?

After the play, me and Leyla really needed a drink. We went to Calle Blai which is near Hiroshima theatre. I like Calle Blai, it's cheap, full of people and in every single bar they have a selection of vegetarian pinchitos (similar to canapes).
After a while, Leyla's boyfriend Fernando joined us.
Leyla's half Peruvian and half British. We met at Queen Mary University where we did the same degree. After we graduated, she moved to Peru and I came to Spain.
What a beautiful and happy coincidence when we found out, we'll be both living in Barcelona this year!
Fernando is Peruvian and he took a year off from his job to be here with Leyla.
He told me that lately he's been watching some documentaries about dating websites and how almost everyone dates through Tinder and Grinder nowadays. It made him think about how difficult would it be to be single again, trying to meet someone. Fernando and Leyla have been together for five years.
The dating was so different back then. I mean you actually went out knowing you'd probably meet someone and possibly go home with them!
You could fall in love spontaneously without knowing when or where it would happen. 
On the contrary now it's like everything' s scheduled. You just go on Tinder either wanting sex or hopefully something more. Leading busy lives in big cities, Tinder really is a convenient time safer.
I swear nobody has come forward to talk to me when I was in a bar or cafe alone, writing (I mean it's a perfect way for a guy to approach me) And yeah I haven't done it either... That's true but to be honest I've never even gotten to the point where I was exchanging curious let alone seductive glances with someone. Maybe we just stopped looking around or forgot how to...
I just wonder, what happens to all those people who either didn't find their lifetime partners in the university or don't feel attracted to their colleagues?
Do we really have to all join Tinder in order to meet someone? And if we do, is there a guarantee to meet the one there? Or are we just totally fucked?


La Femme

Anna and I decided to attend La Femme, a secret warehouse party celebrating the end of Women's week that started with the Women's March. 
I contacted one of the organisers who happened to be a DJ and a cofounder of Kommuna 2 project. Kommuna 2 is an event agency that organises rather different events that take place in peculiar locations: warehouses, rooftops, gardens... The objective is to experience music differently, more freely and openly. There is no security or any particular rules in these locations. 

La Femme took place in a spacious warehouse. We got the exact address on the very same day of the event. I don't like to go far away from my neighbourhood or the centre of Barcelona but I guess sometimes you just gotta travel a little. They say your comfort zone will kill you so... It took me some time to find the venue which kind of felt like looking for a treasure island.
The warehouse was trendy, with a bar, sitting room and a little stage. Being there was like listening to music in a massive living room, in your favourite lingerie with a cigarette and glass of wine. Who wouldn't like that, right?
People who attended were nothing but creative. Essentially everyone was an artist. I absolutely adored that everyone had its own style; nobody was wearing Zara or Mango. It was all vintage with a splash of nowness. Most of them participated in life drawing and other activities provided. People were resting on sofas, drinking by the bar, slowly swaying on the dance floor and smoking. There was a lot of smoking.
Artists were these incredibly beautiful and talented women, Djs, song writers, poets and painters. Moreover there was a round table with some super women (university professors, activists and entrepreneurs) who tackled issues about unequal gender pay, Trump, stupid assumption that all women are not competitive. To what all of them commented that the real question should be why in the hell being a competitive person makes you better at doing business? Listening to all these strong and wise voices I felt so proud to be a woman. How refreshing and inspiring it was to be among people who didn't just preach! Every day these ladies fight for being acknowledged and respected. 
As Christina mentioned while we interviewed her it is hard to be a female DJ. She said that the way you learn djing is through friends who invite you over to play together or play on a party. Of course it's a different story when you invite a girl over. There's just too many connotation there. And that is why Christina decided to organize events like this one and introduce female Djs, artists and musicians.


I believe that these types of events are essential. Not just to celebrate women, female artists but also to talk about things that are important. We need to hear more of these beautiful voices. It was truly a great experience to be part of it.





Friday, March 10, 2017

Fro Yo


Spring mode
I joined the gym! Finally! I can't possibly believe it took me this long! The problem with the gyms in Barcelona is that you have to pay a registration fee which you will never get back and which could be up to 90 euros. In my gym exactly 74.
Luckily if you happen to have Carne Joven, the discount card for young people, it's for free.
The best thing is that my gym has it's own pool and spa.
So far it's my favourite gym, it's super relaxed, big and nice. Mau goes there too. We did Body Balance class together and we just kept laughing. I think everyone in the class hated us. But in our defense, there was a guy who had a wet dick. I mean the area of his shorts, where his penis and balls are, was totally wet. Then he sat down and half of his hairy and fat ass was out! In front of our faces! Who wouldn't laugh?!
Actually after writing things like this, I always realise how mean I sound/am! The fact that Mauricio laughs with me makes me feel much better though.



The first week I took Micaela to spa. Everything was great apart from certain elderly people. I just don't get why do they have this constant need to instruct you about everything?! Like this woman with her massive tits resting on her knees said: you can't enter the sauna without the towel. YOU JUST CAN'T ENTER WITHOUT THE TOWEL! No jacuzzi without the swimming cap!
Yeah bitch I get it! Now, I don't mean to be disrespectful but just shut the fuck up!
Like if the actual gym staff don't seem to care, why do you?
Afterward we went to Cometa for brunch. I love brunches and even though they didn't have Bloody Mary there, it's a lovely place. The music, service, food and decoration was cool. Even the prices were ok.



Erratic me
I know I said I was done with Lala but well...
I may say a lot of things here that could sound quite definite but in the end I always change my mind. I'm just too erratic.
On Saturday I went to plaza Catalunya to buy a swimsuit and gym towel, had a fro yo and lovely walk. It's been a long time since I had time for myself. There's something about Barcelona that keeps you always entertained and in good spirits.
I got home around 8, skyped my mom and brother and finally sent some voice notes and emails to my friends.
Lala texted me asking, so you won't even talk to me?! Of course I replied! It was the first time we didn't talk about films. He asked me about how I was, what I did last few weeks... I don't know how but suddenly we were sexting!
I've never done it before but it was fun. I actually came afterwards. Of course he wanted to come over. He said he'd be there within an hour. Despite wanting him so badly, my vengeful side overtook again and because he didn't come many times when I invited him, I said no and went out instead.
Sometimes it's essential to be vengeful.

Meet up girls
March was approaching and I decided to join some meet up groups. There was a new group forming called Girls around the world. The objective was to create a blog together. I thought it was a brilliant idea.
Our first meeting was in a cafe called Cosmo. As soon as I walked in and saw everyone at the table, I had a good feeling. Everyone was so interesting, with different stories and ideas. We couldn't look more different! Mix of nationalities and cultures. Most of girls were my age apart from one lady who was around 50. She was incredible. She said she was having the time of her life. Her husband was working abroad so she only saw him one week a month that's why she didn't have time to get angry or pissed at him. Her children were grown ups and she could do all these things she wanted.
We talked about the message of the blog, the content and everything we wanted there.
In the end we decided about the first posts.
It was truly an inspiring evening and walking back home I felt like I started something good.

Clean the fucking toilet!
So, we have a new flatmate. He's 26, an architect and from Argentina.
The first time I met him, he was with my landlord, who I hate, so I just said hi and left the house because I was in a hurry.
Well, apparently he told Mau that he was scared of me because I didn't introduce myself! Wtf?! I mean...excuse me?!
I said fine, whatever I'm not gonna be judgy and bitchy already and just give him another chance.
He seems.... I don't know what other word to use in order to describe him but WEIRD! He's always like just staring at you and not saying much or asking questions and staring again...
Why????!
It's like having another Aldo with the only difference: this one doesn't smoke weed! I mean not yet!
The other thing is that now I am living with three guys. Mau is a babe, super clean and everything but the other two are pigs!
You can't imagine what I had to go through one morning! So I woke up and Mau said: the new guy is in the bathroom the second time this morning and farting loudly. Apparently he left the shit marks on the toilet. Poor Mauricio, his door is just in front of the bathroom.
I mean I wasn't even surprised! I saw him eating beans and chick peas at the same time! Like who does that?! Does he want his ass to explode?
Then after he left the bathroom Aldo came in and did the same thing without washing his hands! Like...
I'm living in a flat where I can't sit on the toilet seat and I am afraid of touching everything. I wonder when does this era of sharing flats with gross people end? And also how come their parents did't teach them the basic hygiene?!



Walk in the rain
Yolanda had to go back to Italy for two months to graduate and sort out her PhD for next year here in Barcelona.
I know she'll be gone only two months but still, I'm utterly sad. I mean Yolanda is one of my closest friends! We always do things together. She's got insatiable spirit of exploring and always doing something.
Yolanda makes things happen.
The very last night of hers, it was just me and her going to a concert.
Before the concert I went to Yolanda's place help her packing. After seeing her room empty it hit me that she was really leaving...
Suddenly the Peruvian Pablo Escobar came and offered us leaves of cocaine and that we could make a tea out of them.
I was like there's noway I'm taking something from that guy! But of course we made that tea. We were staring at the smelly leaves questionably... My head was full of crazy scenarios like what if I'll go completely mad and get naked on the street? Or try to fly or something?
We had the stinky tea and.... NOTHING HAPPENED.
After the concert, it was pouring! Of course we didn't have any umbrellas.
So yeah, we ended up totally drenched and soaked with the liquidy pollution. I was shaking on the bus next to Yolanda and we just sat there quietly. I thought we'd enjoy the last night, not thinking about tomorrow, but we both realised it was impossible.
Afterwards in the city we had a dinner, some beers and went home.
I had to go back to hers to get a ukulele she wanted me to keep.
As I was walking home, at 3am, in the rain with the ukulele, I got angry. Why the fuck am I walking in the rain at 3am feeling sad and abandoned?
It was one of those times when you wanted to have someone to cuddle with or just be in a taxi.
Mau was having a very bad night too! His Tinder date turned out to be a dick, as it is usually the case.
They went to a club and he just started to make out with another guy in front of Mau an just left him there. Mauricio had his walk in the rain too. He was crying and didn't care in the slightest who was watching. These situations could be traumatic, especially if you are a sensitive or insecure person. It leaves you with: am I not pretty enough? What did I do/ say wrong? Why does it always happen to me?!
When actually it has nothing to do with you unless you are a total weirdo. It just didn't work and that's it. And many times it won't regardless you did something wrong or not.
There are just too many guys that are not good for ya!
And then someone comes unexpectedly. For Mau it was literally the next day. Despite being sceptical about meeting anyone, he went on a date. The guy was sweet, funny and they had the greatest time. He was visiting some friends but because of Mauricio he cleared out his schedule and stayed with him. They had great two days together.
And yeah... there are times you can meet these fabulous people who make you feel beautiful and special.


Until next time, Pretty Pussies.

Much Love,

Tami K

Thursday, March 2, 2017

Lala Mierda

Lala Mierda

Lala Sex became a regular thing at some point. I still don't know his name and we managed to break up already even though we have never been together. It's odd and confusing if you don't set the rules. Are we fuck buddies having occasional or regular sex? Or are we dating?
In the beginning it was fun being with a stranger, not knowing his name, where he came from but after some time you get tired of saying 'you'.
I got upset over it one night when we were together and it ended up in a fight. Let's face it: we've never established a good rapport! The problem is that we are both stubborn, proud and hate compromises.
He's also super shitty in terms of time management. Lala Sex has many things to do which is great for him but I don't want to be the one who gets constantly canceled on.
So I tried to break it off in a friendly way explaining that I need something more serious. If anything this 'thing' made me realise that I would like to be in a relationship.
I told him that he's too busy for me. He agreed and we let go but after a week he texted me asking if we could see each other from time to time? I don't know...
To be honest, it's easier and faster to fuck a random guy on Saturday night than arranging a meeting with him. The other thing though, I kind of missed him since we stopped talking. Maybe it's just because we used to speak everyday and it became a habit...
Should I settle for a casual sex, dinner and cinema with a guy who is there for me only when he wants to, just to have sex and company? Unable to decide, Mauricio did it for me when he sent me a link of an interview with Rihanna where she says and I quote: 'Girls are settling...but I won't. I will wait forever if I have to.'
I mean she's right. To settle means to lose.
It would be a blunder to continue with this.



Mauricio And His Gotas de Amor

Speaking of Mauricio he stopped having sex in dark rooms and now he's doing it just at the uni toilets. Sometimes the urges are strong. Especially when you are stressed, having to spend innumerable hours in the library.
As Mauricio was googling how to say precum in Spanish, an Italian guy who happened to be in the same library sent him a message on Grinder. They agreed to meet at the bathrooms.
It should always be like this, smooth and fast. There's something about having public sex. The thrill of knowing that you can become the object of outrageous scorn or desire by someone who wants to join you intensifies the whole experience.

Yolanda's nights

Meeting someone worth the effort to be in a relationship with became almost impossible, exhausting and pain staking process. Let alone having a fuck buddy.
Like my friend Yolanda for example. She's been sleeping with three guys lately.
One of them was Italian who was always hard and could have sex seven times a night. He needed only 5 minutes to get hard again which was absolutely gorgeous, however this selfish hard dick miracle only cared about HIS multiple orgasms!



The other one, Colombian guy, gave her a bootie call once we were in a bar in Grazia. She was like yaay and went over to his place. Instead of orgasmic night, Yolanda ended up listening to his troubles instead. She got upset of course. Imagine being called up, then sexually refused and expected to suddenly be his best friend and hold his hand. Don't get me wrong, Yolanda loves listening to other people's problems and helping out. The thing is he should have said he needed a friend before!
Maybe we can't really communicate that well anymore...
The third man, this time Catalan living in France, turned out to be a babe! She had a fabulous time, everything was great until she found out he was only 22. Yolanda being 27 felt like a paedophile.
I mean come on! He's legal and in his 20s. Why is it such a furor to sleep/ date younger guys? There's always been a bad rep about younger men: immature, irresponsible, emotionally not ready....
A lot of older guys I met fit the exact same description. I told Yolanda not to care and just enjoy her sandwich.

The pain of working

An embarrassing thing happened to me. So I was just buying condoms and lub at a shop close to my work and suddenly one of my 14 year olds and his mama joined me at the counter. My student was like Hi Tami and told his mom who I was. Then both of them looked at my purchase and blushed. This one fucking time I was buying condoms and this happened?!🙄
Moreover, one day when I was teaching, two of my teenage students were touching each other under the table. And I'm like this just can't be fucking happening! But it was! I had no idea what to do so I just gave them my 'don't you fucking dare doing it here' look. They stopped.
Honestly I so don't wanna do this anymore! Teaching became a boring and excruciating nightmare for me. If I have to explain the difference between the Past Simple and Present Perfect again I'm just gonna have a breakdown.

Popita se muda

Micaela is moving out. My heart broke upon hearing this excruciating news. Even though I totally get why, her room is the size of a shoebox, single bed and no natural light...
When her friend Otto offered her a room in his flat, having double bed, exterior light and for the same prize, she just couldn't refuse! I mean dah and plus she's only gonna live couple blocks away but still I will miss her like crazy!
I love the weekends when we're all at home me, Mau and Micaela. You know just lying in bed, talking about sex, watching Girls and eating ice cream or going to the beach...
I'm just hoping the new flatmate won't be a dick!